I wrote this post like a couple of weeks back, when I was still in the midst of my school examinations. My mind were still filled with psyche informations then, therefore, please pardon me for the explanations and jargons encompassed in this post. The mundane things I do a day before examinations.

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The other day, I was reading “The disease called “Perfection”” by Single Dad Laughing. For everyone who does not know about him, do check his website out. Some of his work are very inspirational. He had touched on certain controversial topics and made sense out of it. As what he had discussed are very touchy, there were heated debates over what is right and wrong. You decide what deem appropriate.

In “The disease called “Perfection””, he spoke of a “disease” named “Perfection” infecting everyone of us at some points in life. In summary, “Perfection” is a facade. The mask that we wear to conceal our weaknesses. The mask that we wear to enshroud our forbidden dark-side. The mask that we wear to masquerade any thoughts and/or behaviors deemed inappropriate by the society.

More often than not, we behave the way others expected of us. However, during this process (of pleasing others and integrating into society), traits of our actual self are diminishing behind the facade. Slowly, but surely.

Just how many lives have lost hope (utterly) under this relentless canopy of immense pressure and constriction? Just how many (unnecessary) deaths have been caused? Here are some thoughts, definitely not all. (substitute “suicide” to “distress” for less grave cases, yet definitely not undermining the severity) 

• How many have resorted to suicide for their inability to do well in school?
• How many have resorted to suicide for their inability to live up to their family and society’s expectation?
• How many have resorted to suicide for having pregnant out of wedlock?
• How many have resorted to suicide for being homosexual?
• How many have resorted to suicide for being obese?
• How many have resorted to suicide for being physically unattractive?
• How many have resorted to suicide for being of a lower SES (socioeconomic status) class?
• How many have resorted to suicide for developing a certain psychological disorder?
• How many have resorted to suicide for developing a certain addiction?
• How many have resorted to suicide in cases of school-bully?
• How many have resorted to suicide for their inability to continue putting on a false-self?

Lets look at the last point, “How many have resorted to suicide for their inability to continue putting on a false-self?”

Why would anyone deserve death (or distress) for inability to sustain that abominable and cumbrous mask? The mask that was created by the demands of society. The mask that devoured your actual self.

So many times, people changed their behavior to fit into the society. To fit into the what-we-so-called norm; so as to avoid being labelled as abnormal. But then again, what is abnormal? Who is to decide what is normal or not? Normality aside, why are we so hateful against those who does not fall into the norm category that we human have amazingly came up with?

Distress arises when your actual self (who you really are) does not coincide with your ought self (who you feel you should be). Distress can also occur when your ideal self (who you want to be) is inconsistent with your actual or ought self.

I agree with Single Dad Laughing that the effective solution to relieve the distress and tension is to - Be Real. Put aside Dump that mask and be yourself. Your actual self.

Everyone have weaknesses. Everyone make mistakes. No one is perfect and no one will ever be.

However, it is certainly easier said than done. I want to be real, yet there are so many factors holding me back. The future seems tempestuous despite the fact that I want to admit my mistakes; I want to be truthful to myself; I want everyone to see the real me.

To everyone who knows me, I am sorry that I am not the cheery and bubbly boy you have always seen. I am sorry that I am not the carefree and insouciant boy you have always hung out with. I have my (unspoken) dark side.

• I have lost count of the number of times I put on a jovial front to hide my insecurity.
• I have lost count of the number of times I have cried myself to bed.
• I have lost count of the number of times at how disgusted I felt towards myself.
• I have lost count of the number of times the anger I held against myself.
• I have lost count of the number of times I have tried to bury my guilts with distractions.
• I have lost count of the numbers of times I have considered suicide as an option.

I come from a family with a strong religious background. I would say that my family very much adheres to the teachings of God. Christianity. Though I am probably the least faithful in my family, I pretty much have an understanding of what is right and wrong. What is deemed appropriate and inappropriate. What is deemed desirable and undesirable. And because I understand these teachings, I am so haunted by the fact that my family is moving so close to God every second. The feelings of despair caused by the vast distance separating us. Yet, I put on a nonchalant front.

To relieve the tension and pressure, I often pose questions to my family; questions to challenge the veracity of God’s existence.

It is not that I do not believe in God, it is myself in denial. In a futile attempt to relieve the insecurities.

Probably, by challenging the existence of God may waver their devotion, so that they would be able to accept this imperfect son more perfectly.

Probably, by challenging the existence of God and by chance hearing His inexistence may relieve the distress caused by conflicting attitudes between His teachings and my actual self.

Another thing holding me back is the hurt that I would bring to my family. The grief, pain, betrayal and disappointment resulting from an imperfect son.

Rather than bringing sorrow and causing heart-break to the ones who have raised me into a young man, I would rather shoulder these burdens to hell, alone.

One of my greatest imperfection is the inability to be real.

This imperfect (and probably, heinous) son is on his pilgrimage to uncovering this bizarre phenomenon.

For everyone else: If you can Be Real today, be real.

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Meeting new people is part and parcel of our Life. Liking people is something that comes naturally to us and loving someone is certainly no stranger.

What if, what if we happen to love another person while in a relationship? I am sure that this dilemma had occurred at some point in life for many.

I am writing this post based on my belief.

1) If you ever, at any point, fall in love with another person while in a relationship, ditch the former and carry on with your new love.

2) If your partner ever break the news of having someone new in their life, let them go.

Why? As disappointing and hurting as it can be, you have got to understand and accept the fact that your partner loves the other party more than they love you to start a relationship them. If so, why not grant them the favor?

However, if they ever come back trying to reconcile, my advise would be: forget it. No point reconciling with someone who does not know what they truly want. If they truly love you that much, they would ever have left you.

Having said that, you are one step closer to finding the special one who will never abandon you.

Nevertheless, it will totally be your call to decide if you want to stay in contact with your previous partner.

Personally, I do not mind staying as a friend. No point building enmity. It may be awkward initially and we may not be, or rather, we cannot be as close as we used to, but hey, the both of us once shared so many memories and experiences unique to only us. The laughters. The simple happiness. The heart-warming little gestures that seemed meaningless (and perhaps stupid) to others. The time that we have shared. The precious memories.

I will end this post with a question. I speak of this issue so carefreely and lightly; do I sound like someone who have not dated or gotten ditched before?

Haha.

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